After a year of being away from Canada I’m finding being ‘home’ strange – good, but strange.
One thing has really become clear to me: Living this expat life has changed me, even more than I expected it to. It has changed how I view the world. It has changed how I view and define myself. It has changed my priorities. And it has changed my definition of home.
Andrew joked the other day that ‘home is where the cat is.’ True… my house in Belgium is ‘home,’ in a sense, although I don’t know that Belgium itself will ever really feel like home. Maybe time will change that. I don’t know.
Halifax definitely is familiar and comfortable, which is nice. But I can’t say I felt an overwhelming sense of being ‘Home’ as we landed. I remember looking down at all the trees… the emptiness, and comparing it to the total civilization of Europe, where the empty spaces are few and far between.
Staying in a hotel here is strange. The last time I stayed in a hotel in Halifax I was moving here for university a long, long, long time ago.
Tonight I go ‘home’ to Saint John, where I grew up. My parents still live in the same house. That house is ‘Home,’ but Saint John hasn’t felt like Home to me in a long time. Usually when people in Belgium ask where I’m from in Canada I say Halifax. I guess it’s because Halifax is where I’ve lived my adult life, bought my first car, owned a house…
I think what I’ve realised more than anything is that for me, ‘Home’ isn’t a place at all. It’s a feeling, and moreover, Home is the people that I love.
When I landed in Halifax my first mission was to see Cheri before she took off on vacation. Even though she hadn’t yet packed and was leaving at the crack of dawn the next day and I had just spent 17 hours travelling we went out for drinks and talk-time. That was Home.
My parents came up to stay with us on the weekend and we all went to the Farmer’s market with Amy and Michelle on Saturday. That was Home.
My folks and Andrew and I had a big greasy breakfast at the Esquire with bottomless cups of coffee Sunday morning before they drove back to Saint John. That was Home.
Amy took the day off on Wednesday and we spent the whole day shopping, talking and laughing. That was Home.
Today I’ll eat lunch with my sister-in-law Katie and tonight we will drive to my parents to be welcomed by my whole family. Saturday night I will spend with Jenn, talking and laughing as we always do. Home, Home and Home.
Next week we will visit Andrew’s parents at their new house. That will be Home.
The friends we have seen this week and those we will see when we are back here in July. They are all Home.
I am so fortunate that my Home is so big, so wonderful and so welcoming. I can come Home to many places – wherever I may end up in the world.
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